I've been working on our scheduled trips to Chicago for Eli's therapy and realized that when we add our new doctor into the mix our loan and donations are going to be gone very quickly. This set a streak of fear in me and I was in tears most of the day. I decided I had to explain to the doctor that financially we could not afford to do all the appointments she was recommending for Eli. I felt horrible as a mother like I was putting money before my son. How could I say we can't get you the therapy you need because we can't afford it? My son is much more important than money, but as I typed the email to the doctor I felt like I was saying the opposite. There isn't anything worse then feeling like a failure as a mother.
Thank goodness for God's Words of truth! "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13 I was reminded of this verse and just cried and prayed.
In the email to the doctor I explained that we live on one income and that 1 session a day for 5 days at $300 per hour was not going to be feasible for us. At least not with see the other therapist as well. That all together would have come to $2500 for 1 week. I felt the need to just lay our financials out there for her to see and prayed she would understand. I know that her therapy is worth every penny, but that didn't change the fact that we just couldn't do it. About 30 minutes after sending that email, she replied and wanted to know what our budget was and she would work something out for us. WOW! Thank you God!! We are still in the process of working out these details but I feel so much better about it.
All this talk about money lead Paul and I to thinking about how we need to handle the other therapies as well. We also received an email from a friend asking about why we were raising so much money. That is addressed in the previous post. We sat on the couch and talked and cried and we realized that we are seeing more changes in Eli than we had in 6 years of feeding therapy. We can't stop this treatment, it's working when nothing else did. But how do we find the money to pay for it? Paul formulated an amazing response to his friend and we posted it on Gofundme and here. Then we decided it needed to go to our therapists and doctors too. I created an email this morning asking them to come up with a plan that will get Eli what he needs for the money that we currently have on hand. Please understand that these doctors and therapists all work independently of each other yet they do all know each other. This request will require a lot of coordination for them so my request is huge. Before I sent the email I laid my hands on the computer screen and prayed for it to be received well and for the best outcome to arise from it. I said, "God this is all in your hands and I pray you will continue to open these doors and make a way for this to continue." and then I pressed Send.
I haven't heard back from anyone yet, but I know I will once they have had time to talk to each other. I'm letting it go and letting God lead the way. I also know that I'm not a failure as a mom, I'm doing all I can for my child and that is doing my best.
God blessed us again last night as we watched Eli read a book out loud for almost an hour! He has never wanted to read and tells many people that he can't read. He amazed me at some of the words he was reading, this wasn't an easy reader book, this was a chapter book. Watching and listening to him read will be a memory I will treasure forever. I think this was a small glimpse from God of a very bright future for Eli.
Please keep praying for us and Eli. Pray that God will keep opening doors and that the doctors and therapist will be able to work something out with the money we have. Thank You and God bless you and your family!
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